Blessings and Burdens

Waiting is hard for me! Those of you who know me well are not shocked by this, I realize. I prefer to drive ahead, to "git 'er done." I have discovered that even after all God has taken me through and all the times He has told me to be patient, I still take off at a full gallop as soon as He reveals His will and expect everyone and everything else to fall in line because I am being obedient. I am not a steam roller, taking out anyone in my way, but I do carry a lot of frustration with me at times. These verses spoke to me this morning, another gentle reminder that I am not in control, and I need to get over myself. I suspect that there are a lot of us that may need to remember this:

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:13-14


It's been a strange weekend...

You know how there are certain old friends that you know will always be friends, the pick-up-where-you-left-off sort? Kim and Rob are those type of friends to me. We met 12 years ago when they were Air Force, I wasn't, and we went to church together in Illinois. Our kids played together; we laughed a lot; and we spent most Sunday afternoons and some holidays together. When my life fell apart, they were there for me, sacrificially giving of their time and labor to help me move, watch Matt, whatever. We stayed in touch, but they were overseas for many of the last ten years. I saw them last year for the first time since 1999, and it was wonderful.

I got an email from Kim on Saturday, saying that Rob's brother (who lives here in Dover - it really is a very small world) had died that morning of a massive heart attack at the age of 42, and they were headed this way on Sunday morning from North Carolina. They spent the day with Rob's parents and came here last night at 10:30. Kim and I were able to catch up a bit last night. It was good to see them, but I hate that it was under such painful circumstances. Kim's parents have both passed away in the last couple of years as well. Please keep them in your prayers. They are doing a lot of traveling in the next couple of weeks and will be back here next week for the memorial service.

Some close friends of Karl's family are facing a frightening diagnosis as well. His sister's lifelong best friend, Erica, lost her first child at birth because of a birth defect. She has two precious little boys now, but the youngest has developed either a tumor or cyst behind his eye that is impairing his vision. He will be having surgery in the coming weeks, and we pray that the doctors will be able to remove it and be done with it, that there will be no sign of anything to cause ongoing concern.

Mother's Day with my baby boy was relaxed and quite lovely. We spent the morning at church and came home for a relaxing afternoon. I missed Matt, but he called just after lunch to wish me a happy Mother's Day. Karl ended up getting stuck in Germany for a couple of days, so we were able to have some "family time" thanks to the webcams. (Greatest invention EVER for military families or any family that is separated frequently!!!)

I spent much of yesterday thinking about my new blog friends who have lost babies this year and praying for them. There is just no way to make a day like that better, and I hate it. It is like trying to ignore the elephant in the room. You wish you could just pretend it's any other day, but it isn't, and - frankly - in the midst of such grief, "any other day" doesn't feel that good either. I am fortunate to have so much to celebrate on Mother's Day because of the two boys I have and the hope of D & K coming home soon, but I still dread those days that will forever jump off the calendar at me: July 22nd and November 26th especially. I pray that in time these families will find a way to cherish the memories, make the most of every day, cry sometimes over the loss, but mostly look to the future and the plans God has for them with more anticipation and joy and with less fear and grief. God is so good, and He has a beautiful way of counterbalancing the deepest sorrow with the most incredible blessings!

I got some wonderful news today from my friend, Shauna. Her son, JT, is continuing to progress with treatment. When his leg was amputated, it was sent to pathology, so the doctors could get an indication of how well the chemo was working against the cancer cells. The doctors were hoping for a 50% success rate, as most of the kids are averaging 30-40% right now. The idea being, of course, that if it's killed 50% of the cancer in the leg, it is also killing 50% in the lungs, liver, stomach, groin, etc. They received the amazing report that it was almost 100% effective for JT!!!! (They cannot say a certain 100% because there could be one little cell in there somewhere.) JT has a couple more intensive in-patient chemos to go, and then in June/July, they will do one last high-dose treatment which will take his white cell count to zero and hopefully kill off anything that's trying to hang on. Once this is done, he will begin radiation on the tumors throughout his body. It is absolutely incredible to realize how far he's come in the last six months! God is so good!

I am walking in the Relay for Life with our church team in June and will walk in honor of JT and Julie (my neighbor who beat Wilms Tumor last year) and in memory of Billy Palmer and Karl's grandmother. There are so many lives affected by cancer, and the children touch me most of all. Our church is also having a hope and healing service next week to honor the survivors and the memory of those whom we have lost.

This is beginning to sound morbid, but I don't mean for it to. Part of celebrating life is recognizing how fragile and precious it is and how very blessed we are to enjoy it!

In other news, we had a storm last night like I have never seen in Delaware! The winds blew all night. The house literally shook and creaked. Our iron patio furniture was scattered this morning, and Garin's play equipment was completely disassembled and strewn about the back yard. The back windows and the car were pasted with shredded leaves that had been torn by the wind and plastered against the screens. I got very little sleep, and most of my friends say the same thing. It even woke Garin up. It was so loud all night! There is a lot of yard cleanup to do!