"...as you love yourself."

***This blog did not go where I intended when I started. I thought it was going to be a run-down of our weekend activities. Funny how, when God starts talking, you find yourself on a road that wasn't even on the map. And when He says, "Okay, that's all for now," that road feels as familiar as the path that leads home.


So what happens when you find a great 75%-off sale on outdoor furniture and buy that dining set of your dreams that you've waited years to buy???

Why, it falls off the truck in the middle of the highway, of course! Narrowly missing the long line of cars behind you, the two huge boxes block two lanes of traffic, while you, in your grungy, scrubbing-all-day t-shirt, shorts and rubber flip-flops, frantically run into the busy street trying to drag them out of the way for the temporarily patient drivers who are waiting.

Now, change every "you" in the above paragraphs to "I," and you have a brief synopsis of my horrifying afternoon yesterday! The five minutes that felt like five hours.

But let's look at the bright side: Somehow (miraculously), it didn't hit the cars behind me. Somehow, it survived with very minor damage. Somehow, I got it loaded back in the truck and made it home. And somehow (this is a biggie), I came out of it NOT feeling like an idiot who had made a fool of herself and feeling more like someone who'd had a bit of unfortunate trouble, resolved her problem without tears or complete panic, and managed to move along with her day without beating herself up and being embarrassed all weekend. Did I mention that this is a biggie? Could it be that perhaps it is sinking in? Maybe I'm really starting to get it as God continues to impress upon me that He doesn't see me the way I see myself, as He's teaching me to love myself as I love others.

I realize that I have this backwards. In Matthew 19:19, Jesus tells us to love others as we love ourselves. It's a good lesson on valuing other people. But for me, He has been turning it around lately, showing me that I have to give myself a break now and then. I've found it easy to love others in this life, but I cannot love others well if I cannot love myself well. This is not a license for self-indulgence or selfishness, nor is it about "self-esteem." This is about "God-esteem," about seeing myself as a valuable, beautiful creation of God, created in His image. It is freedom from the struggle to measure up to the expectations of others. It is freedom to be who God has called me to be without apology. It is the freedom to be comfortable in my own skin, the skin He Himself wrapped around my flesh...freckles and all, it is His artwork. It is the ability to accept His forgiveness and step away from my failures rather than tossing them into that burdensome sack I so often try to carry along with me.

I believe that many of us need to reverse the verse, so to speak. We tend to think of sinful selfishness as the result of an over-inflated ego, a sense of entitlement or an attitude of superiority. But when Satan succeeds at making us feel unattractive, unworthy, somehow less than we really are, we also succumb to selfishness of another kind. We take valuable time, talent, energy, money, __________ (Fill in your own blank here; the list could be endless.) that belongs to God. Instead we waste it worrying what others think of us, constantly striving to improve our appearances, trying to figure out what makes a person a "success" in this world and struggling to fit that image. It may be about appearance. It might be career or finances. It might be personality-type or social prowess. For some (myself included), it is often a crazy combination. Imagine allowing Christ to free us of all of those image issues! Imagine the joy of living the lives God created us to live and embracing the fact that it would look different for each of us! Imagine what we could really do for Him and for others if we cast off the selfishness of self-loathing and saw ourselves through the eyes of the One Who created us in His image!

And, perhaps a more exciting prospect for me: Imagine leaving a legacy of a God-image in our children! If my children hear me complain about my appearance, or even if I silently live a life of shame and dissatisfaction, they will learn what I model. It breaks my heart to think of passing such a burden to my children. I am choosing to allow my Heavenly Father to take my poor self-image and replace it with His God-image. It may not happen overnight, but it's a journey well worth taking, and it's a journey that will hopefully allow me to leave some substantial footprints....the footprints of Jesus...when I go Home.