Feliz Cumpleanos a Mi!

Today is my birthday......

I received my parents' birthday card a week ago and have kept it unopened on the kitchen island for seven days. It has been a constant reminder of the love that brought me into this world and the joy that these two people share on "my" special day.

Finally, this morning, I got to open it! My mom said that my sister and I are "all a parent could ask for in a daughter." It's amazing, isn't it, how even as an adult approaching (or maybe in?) middle age, such words from parents are still so meaningful and important....probably even more than they were in childhood because we now know how easy it is to stumble, to fail and to disappoint. I still need to know that I am making them proud, just as I need to know more than ever before that God is pleased with who I am.

My dad made this statement in the card: "If it is true that life is an adventure, I submit that you have and are continuing to live." It struck me how very accurate that is! As I look back on the last 39 years (YIKES! 39??? REALLY???!!!), I can certainly describe them as an adventure.

I've moved around and had the privilege of living in several different places...some that were less than enjoyable, others that felt like home the moment I stepped on the ground. I have learned to be content wherever I am and to appreciate the good things, and I am thankful for that.

I have met some wonderful people and some very cruel ones. Each of them has taught me who I am and, more importantly, who my GOD is. I am privileged to have grown up in a family that pointed my way to Him. I was foolish to ignore His guidance and spend almost a decade of my life feeling worthless and hopeless because of one man's opinion of me. But, by God's strength - and ONLY His strength - I found a chance to really live again. I took with me a beautiful son who gave me a reason to go on and get out of bed in the morning. My Heavenly Father surrounded me with amazing brothers and sisters in Christ, who held me up when I couldn't do it on my own and who walked with me down the long and painful path of healing. And then I walked into praise team rehearsal to see a handsome new face at the keyboards....and the rest, as they say, is history!

God has blessed us with another precious son and with two other little ones whose faces we never had the joy of seeing and whose cries we've never heard, but whom we look forward to meeting one day at the greatest family reunion we can imagine!

And now, here we are, waiting for our two precious kids from Russia. Again, children whom we have never held, whose tears we've not had the privilege of drying. But they are in our hearts, and we long for the day we will be together. It is a God-led journey to them.

I have been reading the blogs of two amazing families who have lost babies recently and are suffering unspeakable grief as they seek to heal and lean into God's loving and capable arms for the strength to keep going. It brings so many painful emotions back to mind, but it is beautiful to remember and to hear their stories. Those times in my life when I felt most weak and broken were also the times when the presence of the Holy Spirit was heavy upon me, when I physically felt Him there, when I knew that I knew that I knew that my prayers were heard, that he felt my pain and that He was making something beautiful out of it all.

I still have so far to go, but I wouldn't trade a moment of this life because of what I have learned in it. Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness. Thank you for taking my messes and turning them into blessings. Thank you for turning my pain into ministry. Thank you for teaching me to love myself and others the way you love us. Thank you for making me more like you....